When the Wild Becomes a Mirror: Hunting With a Brain Injury, POTS, and Fading Senses

By Frankie — Disabled Air Force Veteran | Chronic Illness Advocate | Medical Nerd

There’s something about watching the sun crawl across the eastern Montana sky that reminds me I’m still here — still fighting, still learning what this new version of my body can and can’t do.

This year’s antelope hunt wasn’t just about the chase. It was about reckoning — with my body, with my brain, and with the stillness that comes after realizing even the wild doesn’t quiet the storm inside you anymore.

Between the Wind and the Wild: When Your Eyes Aren’t Your Own

“It’s like trying to hold still in an earthquake — my vision feels shaky, like I can’t anchor to the world long enough to aim, to trust my body.”

The rolling hills of eastern Montana are gentle — slow sloping, wind-laced, and dotted with sage — but even walking them feels like scaling a mountain. The moment there’s any incline, my heart rate spikes to nearly 170 bpm. I live with POTS — and the unpredictability of how my body responds means I never fully know if it’s going to cooperate.

And when my heart is pounding, my vision starts to go with it.

My brain can’t focus the way it used to. Objects feel “shaky,” and no matter how much I steady my breathing or brace my rifle, the world won’t hold still. Even spotting an antelope — something I could do in seconds a few years ago — becomes almost impossible through a scope that never stops quivering.

When my heart races, my ability to see declines. But that’s not by accident.

Why Vision and POTS Are Linked

POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) forces your heart to work overtime just to keep blood circulating, especially when you stand or exert yourself.

When your heart rate skyrockets:

• Your body diverts blood from “non-essential” systems (like vision and digestion) to protect vital organs.

• Result: Blurry, shaky vision and poor visual focus.

• Add in brain-injury-related visual processing issues, and it becomes a full-blown sensory bottleneck.

Losing My Senses, One Step at a Time

“Hunting demands silence. But how do you stay silent when you can’t hear yourself?”

I can’t wear my hearing aids while I hunt — sweat from POTS could fry them, and they’re not waterproof. That means I enter the field unable to fully hear my surroundings.

Every step becomes a gamble:
Am I too loud? Am I missing something? Am I safe?

I rely on my husband, who walks in front of me — his footsteps become my guide, his silence my cue. I use all my energy to keep my eyes on his heels, just trying to stay quiet and balanced in a world that now feels foreign in both sound and sight.

Even speaking becomes complicated. I can’t tell how loud I am, and sometimes I accidentally whisper too loudly — breaking the stillness we’ve worked so hard to create.

“When your body becomes both the barrier and the battleground, even whispering is a test of control.”

The Moment I Knew the Hunt Was Over

We hunted for four days — two trips out per day. I pushed hard, watching the sunrise in awe, enduring windburn on my face and fatigue in open defiance of my symptoms. But on Tuesday morning, as we crested a hill in search of a herd we’d been tracking, it hit me like a wave:

I had nothing left to give.

My brain fogged. Speech processing started crashing. Noise, balance, breathing — every system in my body was begging me to stop. The antelope were still out there, but I wasn’t.

So we called the hunt.

I walked away empty-handed — but not empty-hearted.

This Body Still Belongs Outside

“Grief lives here alongside grit. I hate what I’ve lost. But I love that I still go.”

Hunting isn’t just something I do — it’s something I share. My husband and I rebuilt parts of our relationship in these landscapes. I learned to slow down again, to listen to the wind and let nature carry the weight of what I can no longer hold.

I didn’t grow up thinking “someday my brain injury will affect my ability to aim a rifle,” but here we are. My MRI shows tissue damage and encephalomalacia — silent, structural reminders of what gamma knife surgery cost me. And yet:

I am still here.
I still show up.
I still learn new ways to live.

Because being alive isn’t about bouncing back.
It’s about adapting forward.

The Damage You Can’t See

My MRI shows:

• Encephalomalacia and gliosis: Brain tissue damage and scarring from radiation and A/V malformation.

• Visual processing issues: From tissue loss in areas related to perception and eye tracking.

• Major Neurocognitive Disorder: Diagnosis stemming from these changes.

That’s why I’m starting occupational and speech therapy — to regain even a sliver of control over what’s been lost.

Ending on Purpose

I used to think pushing through pain meant I was strong. That ignoring my limits made me worthy.

Now I know this:
Honoring my limitations is how I stay in the game.

I left the wild empty-handed this time. But I walked away with the kind of pride you can’t hang on a wall — the kind that exists in every breath I didn’t give up, every step I took beside the man who taught me to love hunting again.

I’m not done. I’m just learning how to hunt a different way.

If this resonates with you, and you’d like to follow my journey of neurodivergence, chronic illness, healing, and everyday resilience — you can follow me on social media @thechronicallyresilient

And as always, Stay Resilient ❤️‍🩹