No One’s Coming to Save You: The Day the Military Broke My Faith

By Frankie — Disabled Air Force Veteran | Chronic Illness Advocate | Medical Nerd

I used to believe the Air Force was a family — that when things got hard, when life hit you sideways, your brothers and sisters in uniform would rally around you.
That we’d always take care of our own.

But the day my world crumbled around me, I learned the hard way that the military isn’t a family.
It’s a system.

One that will replace you in an instant, no matter how loyal, hardworking, or dedicated you’ve been.

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

The day before it all happened, I was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) in my brain — a rare and dangerous tangle of blood vessels that could rupture at any moment. One wrong movement, one bad day, and I could have a hemorrhagic stroke.

I remember sitting with that news, numb.
It felt like there was a bomb in my head, ticking.
I was in shock, unable to process the words “high risk for rupture.”
I didn’t cry. I didn’t even think.
I just froze — hovering somewhere between disbelief and terror.

The next morning, I went into work like I always did.
I was a medic — an Airman in direct patient care, responsible for the health and safety of others.

But as I walked through the clinic, it hit me that I didn’t feel safe taking care of anyone.
I wasn’t even safe in my own body.

I tried to hold it together through my morning patients, smiling like everything was fine — because that’s what we’re trained to do: push through, show up, be mission ready.

But inside, I was falling apart.

When my last patient left, I sat there for a moment, shaking.
I knew I couldn’t keep pretending.

So I did what I thought was right: I texted my NCOIC but not before looking around for him.
I told him something like,

“I’m not doing well, and I don’t think it’s safe for me to see patients or be at work today. I’ve seen all my morning patients, and I have someone who can cover my afternoon ones.”

It wasn’t perfect communication — I could barely form sentences — but it was honest, responsible, and sent before I left.

What I didn’t know was that he wouldn’t see it until later.

The Next Morning

When I walked into work the next day, my NCOIC was in a panic.
He’d just found out that my Flight Commander was trying to charge me with being AWOL and issue an Article 15 for leaving early.

My heart dropped.
I hadn’t done anything wrong — I had followed procedure, covered my patients, and told my supervisor I wasn’t safe to be in patient care.

I had just found out I had a ticking time bomb in my brain.

He wasn’t angry with me — he was overwhelmed by the situation and scrambling to manage the fallout.

But I was devastated.

I tried to explain what had happened — that I had texted him, that I physically and emotionally couldn’t face anyone that day.

I wasn’t defiant; I was in shock.

And still, I was the one being treated like I’d abandoned my duty.

Hearing that I was being accused of dereliction of duty sent me straight into another meltdown.
I left and went to Mental Health immediately.

I was scared, confused, and broken — punished for being human in a moment when I needed compassion the most.

Fighting for Myself

After that, I did what I always do — I fought back the only way I could.

I went to JAG, requested letters of character from the doctors I worked closely with, and gathered every piece of evidence showing my professionalism, reliability, and record.

My NCOIC barely spoke to me after that.

The same people who used to call me dependable, squared away, and trustworthy now treated me like I had failed them.

Eventually, the Article 15 was reduced to a Letter of Reprimand (LOR) — but the damage was already done.
I had never been reprimanded in my entire career.
That single piece of paperwork erased years of service, dedication, and sacrifice.

Because of it, I was later ruled ineligible for my Meritorious Service Award when I was medically retired — just four months after my diagnosis.

Isolation and Double Standards

What cut the deepest wasn’t just the paperwork — it was the hypocrisy.

Around the same time, my Flight Chief received her own life-threatening diagnosis.

Everyone rallied around her.

The unit bent over backward to support her recovery, to make sure she had time and space to heal.

But when I was the one in crisis — when I was fighting to process the fact that I could die at any moment — I was punished.

It was as if because my condition was rare and invisible, it somehow didn’t count.

I wasn’t seen as a person in crisis.
I was seen as an Airman failing to perform.

It broke something in me.

I realized that my worth to the Air Force was measured only by my output — not my humanity, not my service, not my sacrifice.

Just what I could give… until I couldn’t give anymore.

The Aftermath

Within four months, I was medically retired.
I don’t remember much of that time — just flashes of fear, confusion, and grief.
My career was gone.
My reputation as a good medic, a mentor, a leader — gone.

I kept asking myself: What did I do wrong?
All I did was get sick.
All I did was tell the truth.

And yet, I was punished for it.

What I Learned

It took years for me to find peace with what happened.
The truth is, sometimes no one is going to care.
No one is going to fight for you.
No one is coming to save you.

The military will replace you in an instant — but you can’t be replaced at home.

If you ever find yourself feeling used, dismissed, or broken by a system that was supposed to protect you, remember this:

Take care of yourself first.

Your worth isn’t measured by your rank, your performance, or your ability to keep pushing through pain.
I wish I had known that sooner.

Follow My Journey

If this story resonates with you — if you’ve lived through medical trauma, chronic illness, or the invisible fight to be believed — I invite you to walk this path with me.

You can follow my journey and advocacy work on Facebook and Instagram, where I share updates, insights, and reflections on life after survival  @thechronicallyresilient

And as always,

Stay Resilient❤️‍🩹

Navigating a Complex Diagnosis: My Journey Through Rare Disease, Chronic Illness, and Advocacy

By Frankie
Disabled Air Force Veteran | Chronic Illness Advocate | Medical Nerd

Hi, I’m Frankie — I’m 33 years old, a disabled Air Force veteran, and someone living with multiple complex medical conditions. I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but in hopes of helping others feel seen, advocating for change, and holding space for anyone navigating a healthcare system that doesn’t always listen the first time — or even the tenth.

This blog is my way of organizing the chaos. I use tools like AI and technology to help structure my thoughts, because as someone with autism, ADHD, and a major neurocognitive disorder, communicating clearly and logically has become a real challenge. Masking is something I do well — on the outside, I may look "put together," but beneath that is a network of alarms, calendars, checklists, detailed notes, and the support of my husband.

Today, I want to talk about one of my most urgent health issues — undiagnosed and untreated hyperparathyroidism— and how it slipped through the cracks of the VA system for over two years.

In 2023, the VA flagged elevated calcium levels in my labs and entered a referral for Endocrinology. I had no idea. No call. No message. No follow-up. Nothing. I didn't find out until nearly a year later, when Care in the Community called me to ask if I was ready to move forward with my endocrinology appointment — a referral I never knew existed.

This should have never happened.

In August 2024, I finally had my parathyroid hormone (PTH) level checked — and it was elevated at 87, a result that should have immediately prompted further investigation. I was referred again to Endocrinology, but they declined to see me because my calcium levels looked “normal.”

Here’s what they missed: elevated PTH with normal calcium can indicate Normocalcemic Primary Hyperparathyroidism (NPHPT). It’s real, it’s documented, and it’s serious. But it requires a provider who understands the nuance — and who’s willing to dig deeper.

I’ve become symptomatic. Yes, I have fatigue from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, but this is different. Since August, my energy levels have dropped sharply. My sleep is unpredictable and fragmented. I now wake between 2–4 AM every day, even when I’m completely exhausted. My go-to sleep supports — including THC — have stopped working.

I'm scared that this will lead to another major flare. I’ve worked too hard to stabilize. I can’t afford to lose access to treatments, especially medications like those for ADHD, which my psychiatrist won’t prescribe if I start losing weight again.

From Air Force Medic to Full-Time Patient

Before I became a full-time patient, I was a medic in the Air Force. For seven years, I thrived in high-pressure medical environments, trained and mentored junior medics, and earned the respect of my colleagues. Medicine wasn’t just a job — it became my language, my special interest, and my safe place as an autistic person.

That experience shaped me into the kind of patient I am today — proactive, hyper-organized, and relentless when it comes to advocating for myself. Not because I think I know more than my doctors, but because I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t stay on top of every detail, I’ll fall through the cracks.

And I already have.

The Day My Instinct Saved My Life

In early 2019, I underwent Gamma Knife radiation surgery to shrink a massive cerebral arteriovenous malformation (AVM) that carried a 78% lifetime risk of rupture. About a week later, I noticed swelling and pain in my right arm where I’d had an IV. The NP said it was probably just phlebitis. My heart rate was elevated, but they weren't concerned.

Still, something didn’t feel right.

I went to the ER. They found a thrombosis in my basilic vein and a highly elevated D-dimer. A chest CT revealed something terrifying: bilateral pulmonary emboli in all four lobes of my lungs. I was completely asymptomatic. No chest pain. No shortness of breath. Just a gut feeling and a racing heart.

If I had gone home instead of trusting my instinct, I might not be here writing this.

AVM Diagnosis: Another Case of “It’s Probably Nothing”

Backtracking a few months — in late 2018, I began experiencing pulsatile tinnitus, dizziness, and vertigo. It could have been anything. Still, I mentioned to a trusted physician mentor that I’d done some research and wondered about an AVM. He agreed it was worth looking into. He ordered the MRI.

That scan revealed a Spetzler-Martin Grade 5 AVM in my posterior corpus callosum — one of the rarest and most dangerous types. Most people don’t know they have an AVM until it ruptures. Mine didn’t. That MRI may have saved my life.

The Aftermath: Radiation, Hearing Loss, and Cognitive Decline

Within six months of radiation, I lost hearing in my left ear. Within a year, I lost hearing in my right. By two years post-op, I could no longer work due to memory loss, difficulty with cognition, and executive dysfunction.

Eventually, I was diagnosed with Major Neurocognitive Disorder, Autism, ADHD, and a math disability. I'm now under active neurological evaluation to determine whether the Gamma Knife radiation — which research confirms can cause both cognitive decline and hearing loss — is the root cause.

For years, I begged doctors to help me understand what was happening to my brain. They told me it wasn’t serious. That I was overreacting. That it was stress.

It wasn’t.

Layers of Complexity: A Web of Diagnoses

The deeper you go into my medical history, the more tangled it becomes — but each piece matters. Here’s a brief look at the major players:

• Cerebral AVM (diagnosed 2018, resected 2024)

• Pulmonary Sarcoidosis (diagnosed 2020, in remission with annual PFT follow-ups)

• Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (diagnosed 2022)

• POTS, Dysautonomia, Orthostatic Hypotension

• Gastroparesis, Chronic Nausea

• Mast Cell Activation Syndrome

• Epilepsy Partialis Continua (controlled on Keppra)

• Major Neurocognitive Disorder

• Autism, ADHD (Inattentive Type), PTSD

• Bilateral Sensorineural Hearing Loss

• Military Sexual Trauma Survivor

I use a central port to self-administer fluids twice per week to stay hydrated and prevent fainting. My medications and therapies are tightly coordinated and managed across multiple specialists.

But even with all of this, my recent experience with hyperparathyroidism shows how easy it is for critical care to be missed.

Where I Am Now — And What I Need

Right now, I need a thorough evaluation of my parathyroid function. I want answers, not assumptions. I want an Endocrinologist who understands that normal calcium doesn’t rule out parathyroid disease. I need someone who will look at my full history, not just a snapshot.

This isn’t just about one lab result. It’s about an entire system that repeatedly fails to see the bigger picture — and patients like me, who don’t fit into neat diagnostic boxes.

Thankfully, I’m still fighting. I have providers who listen. I have a neurologist who’s taking my cognitive issues seriously. I’m hopeful. But I also know that without constant advocacy — from me, from my support system, and from people like you — none of this moves forward.

For Anyone Reading This

Whether you're a fellow chronically ill person, a caregiver, a provider, or just someone trying to understand — thank you for reading. If you take away one thing from this, let it be this:

🟣 Listen to your body.

🟣 Advocate even when you're tired.

🟣 Trust your instincts — they might just save your life.

Stay tuned for a weekly Blog, Mondays at 1500 (3PM MST)

Stay resilient,

Frankie